One unexpected perk of growing older is that although I care what people think about me, I know I can do nothing to make them like me. Bonus! But there's an extra attribute I didn't ask for but was born with: my mocha skin. I say mocha because, depending on the season, my skin resembles a graham cracker. Who doesn't like graham crackers?
Growing older is a blessing I took for granted when I was younger. The younger me was blissfully unaware that my life expectancy was shorter than someone unmelanated. Who knew the quality of life was a thing? I hadn't considered that Black women are more likely to be murdered by the police in a domestic violence situation, incarcerated, or afflicted with cancer, diabetes, and hypertension than any other group. My enslaved ancestors would be proud.
The Wisdom of Avoidance
Now that I'm older, my wisdom has taught me not to be in places I don't want to be. Kid parties? Only if they're at Chuck E. Cheese, and even then, I'd probably drop off my granddaughter and sit in the car. If there's alcohol at a function, count me out. Events after 8:00 p.m.? Not happening. And don't get me started on potlucks. If I'm told to bring whatever dish I want, I'd prepare my dish at home. Why? Because no one ever brings acceptable protein to celebrations. Inevitably, there will be an unreasonable amount of vegetable trays with ranch dressing. (Ranch dressing is basically thick old milk—disgusting and tummy-ache-inducing.) On second thought, I probably won't go at all. Having the wisdom to avoid misery is like a newfound superpower.
Body Image: From Skinny to Sponge
My current shape resembles a dented potato and feels like a wet sponge left in the sink for days. The younger me was thin and undefined, with classmates deeming me president of the itty-bitty-titty committee. I wasn't sure how I became president, but I got the impression I ran unopposed. Now, my hair is turning gray, not in a fun salt-and-pepper way, but more like black jeans overcome with lint. At this point, it's hard to distinguish whether my gray hair is actual hair or lint. Long story short, someone might feel compelled to use a lint roller on my head. Don't.
Embracing Cellulite and Stretch Marks
My cellulite took longer to appreciate. After I shower, I look at my body in the mirror, spin around slowly, and think about the kid I was and the woman I've become. I have divots in my soft, fluffy belly from surgeries during my cancer era and stretch marks down my side from my breast to my hips. It's all me. I want to be stronger in case of a zombie apocalypse, but chances are I'll be patient zero, so I'm not too concerned. I am perfection.
Time: A Subjective Illusion
Time is valuable but confusing because it's subjective. When I miss a project deadline, someone kindly says, "It's okay; you've got time." However, in terrible relationships, it felt like I lost time. Time seems to slow down and speed up depending on the trauma it invokes. Trauma is why we hold on to hurtful things, words, and people longer than the times we've felt safe.
Time: A Subjective Illusion
Time is valuable but somewhat confusing because it's subjective. For example, when I'm working on a project and miss the deadline, someone will thoughtfully say it's okay; you've got time. However, when I was in sh*** relationships, It felt like I lost time. I believe that time slows down and speeds up depending on the severity of the trauma it invoked. Trauma is why we hold on to the things, words, and people that hurt us longer time than we do the times we've felt safe.
The Fallacy of Loving Your Work
People say if you do something you love, you'll never work a day in your life. (Lies.) Enjoying projects like gardening (I have a black thumb of death, and even plastic plants should beware), cooking, or underwater basket weaving is great until the pressure to develop and support your livelihood kicks in. Then, it becomes unfun. Life is short, especially for people of color. Don't wait for the perfect moment. The ideal moment is when you take action. Start now.
Conclusion: Embrace the Journey
Getting older is a blessing, especially for Black women who carry the world's weight. It's easy to collapse under the pressure. That's why women of color need to talk about mental, physical, and spiritual health. Our elders kept their stories locked away because of the pain. However, they fought, lived, and survived so we could be who they hoped we'd be. We have advantages they only dreamed about.
Today, technology and science can bring people together in unprecedented ways. If you choose to take it, your job is to love the women of color in your life. Black and White women have been divided by white supremacy, racism, and skepticism on purpose. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to start living your best life. The ideal moment is now. Take that first step towards your dreams, however small it may be. Remember, you are perfection in progress.
Go forth and do good. Okay, goodish.
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